!!

Well it's been quite some time since I last posted here, hasn't it. I've spent a lot of time reading other people's weight loss blogs today, and it motivated me to come back home to mine.

A lot of things have gone on in my life since I last posted. I got the job I was posting about and I love it! The people there are wonderful to work with and the work itself is a perfect fit for me. I spend all day meeting with our existing clients, all of them small business owners. I basically just get to spend the day meeting and talking to people...it really makes a work day go by quickly!

My dear Ryan moved in about two months ago. That seems to be going well. So well in fact that just last month he asked me to MARRY him! We're planning a March wedding. So needless to say, with only six months to go, I am extremely excited and motivated to get off my tail and lose weight! I started back on my low carb diet the day after he proposed. I've lost about five or six pounds already. I'm also joining the gym tomorrow. I'm going to join 24 hour fitness and get a multi-gym membership, that way- no matter where I am around town (remember, I drive around all day) there will always be a gym nearby.

So far, I've been amazed by my willpower. Just today, I picked up chinese food for Ryan and the kids. I may have had two bites of it, if even that much. Anyone who knows me knows just how amazing that is for me.

I have a good friend who is also getting married, just a couple of months after me. Her and I have spent time the last few weekends going to visit possible wedding/reception sites. Two weekends ago, we decided to stop off at Amanda's Bridal. I'm going to be a bridesmaid in her wedding and she's going to be a bridesmaid in mine, so we thought it would be fun to try on some dresses together. I had promised myself I would not try on any wedding dresses until I lose 10 pounds or so...hmph. Like I could really stick to that promise!

You see, I really wanted a wedding dress that was white or ivory with red detailing. These are pretty hard to find, but lo and behold, they had six that I saw immediately. I tried them on one by one and really liked a few...but none of them took my breath away. Then suddenly the lady who was helping us there came in and said- I can't help but to notice that all of the dresses you've chosen are white with red...did you by chance miss this one (holding one in her hand) or did you just not like it? I had, in fact, missed it, so I took it from her. The minute I put it on, my jaw dropped. I LOVED it. I very slowly looked down at the tag, saying a little prayer... "please oh please do not let this be the most expensive one I've tried on!" All of the others ranged in price from $800-1200...I looked down ever-so-slowly and what do ya know? It said "Discontinued- 1 only" and was marked down from $900 to $399! As excited as I was, I really didn't intend on buying a gown that day. But I did. They also showed me a veil, which I bought, that was white with red roses around the bottom, also discontinued...and threw in the matching handbag and shawl for the dress. All in all, I wound up spending just over $500 for the whole thing! It just felt like it was meant to be.

I also found the perfect wedding/reception venue. It's about five minutes into the beatiful Rocky Mountains. We can get married outdoors under a beautiful gazebo they have with a backdrop of the mountains, which will likely have an inch or two of snow in March. I didn't realize how expensive these places could be though. The place quoted me a price of $50 per person...and with about 200 people attending, that would come to over $10000! I soon found out though, that once these places realized that I was shopping around...and my wedding was in MARCH (a not very popular time to have a wedding I guess) they started offering me deals. Apparently, they don't easily book up in March and really need the business. To make a long story short, I chose to assign my fiance to the challenge and he wound up getting the exact same place for $5500! Half price! This is really a good deal, seeing as though it includes the facility from 4pm to 2am, the ceremony, the set up, the clean up, the table linens and place settings, the DJ and the FOOD!

So now, I guess my blog will be changing over to a wedding planning/weight loss blog. Wish me luck!!!

Trout and Hummingbirds

Well, I'm back from my little camping mini-vacation with my family. All in all it was a very nice break. There's something so calming about sitting in a lawn chair in the middle of the Rocky Mountains watching hummingbirds.

My kids behaved very well and the weather was cooperative. We only got about half an hour of rain yesterday. Other than that, it had been warm, dropping only to about 50 or so overnight. The best part of the trip for me was that I spent nearly seven hours yesterday fishing. The temperature at the time was in the high 80's and I ended up getting a lot of sun. I've got amazing tan lines. Unfortunately, these tan lines are going to be very obvious when I'm wearing my spaghetti strap tank tops and swimsuits in Las Vegas.

The sun really took it out of me. Well, the sun and the seven or more shots of rum last night. So I'm tired. Extremely tired. I'm going to bed just as soon as I can get my daughter out of the tub.

Progress

Today my mood is...

And I'm listening to...Blue Clear Sky by George Strait

Even the most minimal of progress goes a long way to making a girl feel good about herself. This morning I woke up and proceeded to step onto the scale. Even though I've been sticking to my diet like glue the last couple of days, I was prepared to be frustrated. I looked down towards my feet slowly, afraid of what I'd see. 150.2 it says! Well yee ha! Unlike other times somewhat recently that I've seen this number, I actually did eat dinner last night and I did not have too many alcoholic beverages resulting in dehydration. Nope. This is a true number.

What's even better about this is that I'm only five days into my cycle and my lowest point of a month doesn't normally come until days nine or ten. I would be very very happy if I could be in the 140s for my trip to Vegas.

So on my way to work I put on my George Strait cd. George Strait music does something for my spirit. It always just makes me feel good. For those of you who don't listen to country, let me be the first to tell you that country music these days is not all depressing and sad or bitter. It's quite the opposite actually. I started thinking this morning about one word. Progress.

I realized that I've made progress in so many areas of my life in only a year or so. First, I got divorced and managed to meet a man who treats me better than my ex husband ever could or even wanted to. That's progress. Second, by securing a divorce I also secured some of my sanity. I found a new confidence in myself and was able to finally quit worrying about my husband's financial irresponsibility and flat-out lack of being able to keep me happy. Progress. Third, I finally went after my son's father for child support after 9 full years of supporting him myself. I've now been getting the money for 9 straight months. Progress indeed. Fourth and final large thing on this list is the new job. Leaving this place which I affectionately refer to as "toxic" has got to be the second biggest jump I've made in five years, after the divorce of course.

There are so many little benefits that have come along with the progress I've made. I've begun to feel more secure in myself, have lost weight, started being more patient with my children and just generally have been an easy-going, smiling person. It's kind of like I've found me again.

So some of the other managers here are taking me out to lunch today as a kind of congratulations thing. That should take well over an hour. Thank goodness because frankly, I just don't have much to do here anymore. I don't want to do much anyway!

Sometimes I amaze myself

And I'm listening to - Bring on the Rain by Tim McGraw and ???

Sometimes I amaze myself with my ability to be so intelligent, yet completely clueless. This weekend I spent way too much money. I just got into the office and did my daily budget checkup and man oh man did I go overboard. I did way too much shopping. I believe I had spent nearly $300 when I had intended to spend $75. Now allow me to justify it somewhat by saying I didn't buy junk. I bought all three kids some shoes, some stuff for camping, shorts (which I needed), and stuff like that. Then, to top it off, I went up to the casino and managed to lost over $200 there too! Yikes!

What makes this even more ridiculous is that Ryan and I are going to Vegas in 10 days, and I really should be saving my money for that instead! Terrible I tell you.

Speaking of terrible- my weight. Well, it's sitting right around where it was last month. My visitor arrived and just left, which means my weight should be dropping about two or three pounds. I haven't been very good at my diet, not horrible either, just not good. I haven't been going to the gym, but I've been active.

I've got a very exciting couple of weeks ahead of me. Today, tomorrow and Wednesday, I'll be here at work, trying to tie up loose ends. Thursday, I've got the day off, I'll be packing for camping and going to the new job to start getting things set up over there. On Friday, I'll be leaving up to the mountains to go camping with my family. I'll be camping Friday and Saturday, and coming back on Sunday. Monday is the 4th of July, and Ryan's family has a wedding that we'll be attending where I get to meet more of his family. His family is very large and I haven't met many of them yet, so this should be quite an event. After the wedding, I'll be taking my kids to go see a fireworks show somewhere around town. Tuesday I'll be working my last day in my current job so that should be an easy day, and then Wednesday I'll be packing for Vegas. I'll be in Vegas Thursday through Sunday and I'll start my new job on Monday.

Exciting days ahead. Including today. Packing up my desk is definitely exciting.

Great day, great night, great week!

Currently listening to - Desperately by George Strait

I've had such a great week so far! Not only did I get the job offer, but I also have been able to suddenly pay off nearly every bill I had outstanding. What a wonderful feeling!

Last night Ryan and I met up with a friend from work at a local karaoke bar and had a great time! I probably stayed out a bit later than I should have...but it was fun and that's really all that matters. I don't know if I've mentioned it before, but my sweet boyfriend can really rock the microphone. You get to see a whole different side of him when he sings. He's confident and talented and when he sings ballads he sings them directly to me. It's as if every time he gets up there and sings I fall in love with him all over again. The jack and diets don't hurt either!

So I've been coming in to work in jeans all week. We're only supposed to wear them on Fridays, but some managers enforce it and others don't. Currently, we're undergoing a reorganization and I don't have a direct manager, so I don't care. Plus, I figure it this way, what are they going to do- fire me for it? Bad additude to have, I know. Especially seeing as though I'm a manager myself (a corporate trainer). I should probably make more of an effort to remain professional prior to my escape.

So the plan is for me to take next Thursday and Friday off to go camping with the extended family, then come back to work on Tuesday for my final day here. Then I'm taking Wednesday, Thursday and Friday off and am hoping to skip off to Vegas. I start the new job the following Monday.

On the weight loss front...well it's going slowly. Okay, I'll be honest, I don't think it's going at all!!! My monthly visitor has STILL not arrived. I've been so/so with my diet. The last couple days I've had a breakfast burrito (bad) for breakfast but have stuck to my diet like glue the rest of the day. I don't feel like i'm gaining weight, but I really won't know until my visitor comes and goes and I step on the scale. I've heard about diets such as the Carbohydrate Addicts diet where you basically pick one hour a day to eat whatever and the rest you eat low carb, which is basically what I'm doing I guess. If I could actually lose weight by doing this, I would be very happy, because it's much easier!

I didn't make it to the gym yesterday, but I did walk downtown for about 30 minutes and danced a little. I'm sure I wasn't exactly blasting away calories, but at least I wasn't contributing to the spread of my hips by plopping butt-first on the couch!

Today's plan is to finish my workday, get a pedicure and go to my bowling league. Nothing too exciting or extreme, but I'm just in such a good mood that just about anything sounds like fun! Okay...maybe not EVERYTHING... good mood or not- I'm still not doing the dishes or laundry when I get home.

Yee ha!!! I got it!

Currently listening to "Take This Job and Shove It"

About two hours ago I got the job offer! Yee ha! I just finished drafting my official notice of resignation, and sent it off. What an awesome feeling!!!

The job will initially pay just a little more than what I currently make, but I will primarily be working from home, so it's definitely worth it.

I can't tell you how much of a stress reliever this is for me. I'll also be receiving a lump sum distribution of my pension account, which is going to bail me out of a lot of bills! I'm thinking I'll probably roll over my 401k account to an IRA.

I am very, very excited. Happy too. Very happy. And hungry. I believe I just may celebrate!!!

That's it! I've had enough!!!

Currently listening to - I'm That Kind Of Girl by Terri Clark

It is now Tuesday, nearly a full week after my fourth interview, and I still have not heard from them! Seeing as though I originally applied with this company back on April 19th, I should be used to this. So far, my interaction with them has pretty much been this way. One or two weeks in between interviews. Though I have to believe that there can't possibly be yet another interview...

So, I decided to make a move on my own. On Friday, I had sent them the requisite "Thanks for the interview" follow up email, but didn't hear back. (this has seemed fairly normal with them)Today, I decided to give them a call and leave a polite message asking for the status. It's just the strangest thing I tell you. At the last interview all 3 of them seemed to be trying to sell the job to me??? Oh well, now that I've left the message I can do nothing more. Just wait.

My monthly visitor has not yet arrived, which frustrates me. The longer she takes to get here, the more water weight I gain. I still have not been exercising the way I know i should, though I was better behaved yesterday on my diet. I'm now stuck around 153. Frustrating I tell you.

I've got to admit, I am definitely one of those people whose stress level has a direct impact on their diet/exercise level. The most frustrating part is that I know it, and just can't seem to overcome it. Between the mess at work, and waiting on the other job prospect, and taking care of the house and the kids...

Speaking of the house... My stupid HOA just sent me a letter on Saturday telling me that I need to remove and replace the small dead tree in my front yard by July 1st or I'll be facing a $50 fine. Add this to the one they sent about a week ago warning me that my garden hose should not be visible from the front of my house and that it needed to be corrected or else, and the one sent about 2 months ago about my trash can being visible... I tell you, it's ridiculous! I HATE HOAs. If I do end up buying a new house in my near future, Lord help me if I have to deal with another HOA. So, now I need to pull some money out of my... my.... well who the heck knows out of where- so I can get the darned tree.

As if that's not enough- my central air is on the fritz. The house was built in 2001, and it had never given me problems before, but now- it's been 90+ degrees for 3 straight days and what do 'ya know? I've still got some air coming out of the registers, but just barely...the fan seems to be working fine- all I can see that is odd is that outside, on the intake thing, where the hose connects, there's ice! I've tried doing some search on line, and have found a few reasons for it- but regardless, the recommended solution remains the same. Call someone. Again, pulling the money off the nearest tree I guess. Thank goodness there was a beautiful thunderstorm yesterday that featured huge gusts of wind. I opened every window in my house and let the breeze cool down the house. It worked. I was actually able to sleep, unlike the miserably hot and sticky night on Sunday.

...and know when to fold 'em...

Currently listening to - Margaritaville by Alan Jackson and Jimmy Buffett

The last 24 hours have been nothing too exciting. Ryan and I went up the hill to play cards last night, stayed for about 6 hours and I lost. Over and over again, I lost. I had no luck catching cards... and managed to part with a few hundred dollars. Oh well. No point in moping about it. The ride down the hill was more fun, but I'm going to avoid providing details as to why that was...

So this morning we drove around looking at model homes, it's a cheap and fun way to kill time I guess. There's a possibility that at some point in the not-too-distant future that we'll buy a house together- and it's interesting to see what we can afford. We saw some beautiful ones today. Unfortunately, the builder isn't building in the areas where we would prefer to live anytime soon.

Being home with my kids tonight, I finally got a chance to step on my scale. I've got to be honest. For the past 24 hours I have been bad bad bad. Last night, I had two hot dogs (with the stupid bun and all) for dinner, followed by a few beers and jack and diets at the casino. This morning, I had a HUGE pork and bean smothered burrito, complete with tortilla. For lunch/dinner I had a hot dog and half a quesadilla. I hate this time of the month. My visitor is due to arrive any day now, I feel like I've lost weight... until I drink anything. I've drank one diet iced tea and suddenly I feel like a beached whale.

So anyway, back to the scale... I stepped on it tonight. I knew I shouldn't have. I always weigh more at night than in the morning...plus, I've had quite a few beverages in the past two hours...plus, I always gain weight in the days leading up to my visitor. But- alas, I did step on it. It said 155. To be honest, I'm not heartbroken about it, as I expected worse. If my scale says 155 before bed, it'll say 153 in the morning (I lose 2 pounds overnight)... plus I know that I've had too much sodium in the past 48 hours...so I'm willing to bet if I behave for the rest of the week and allow my visitor to come and go...I should be back down to 150 or so.

I've been jumping around from blog to blog lately, reading about other people's weight loss experiences. It's very motivating. Everytime I read www.scalestumped.com or www.reneegetsfit.com I feel guilty for not being more dedicated myself. BTW, THANK YOU Renee for the link!

I'm thinking I should just stick with party poker and exercise. It's the perfect weight loss plan.

Well I guess that's about it for tonight... I'm so anxious for my job offer to come through. So very anxious indeed.

You gotta know when to hold 'em

currently listening to/singing- Picture by Sheryl Crow and Kid Rock

Well, I've spent this entire day being hopeful. I couldn't find one of those cute little mood stickies for hopeful, so I used excited instead. I realized this morning that I could come up with an awesome plan...a truly awesome plan.

You see, IF I get this job offer (still waiting on a call back but this place doesn't seem to do anything quickly), and IF I get it by Monday, I COULD put in my 2 week notice which will allow me to finish working here the week before the 4th of July holiday. Then, I COULD take the whole week off after leaving here, put a rush on my pension disbursement... and after the three day weekend of camping with my kids, Ryan and extended family I COULD use the Wed-Sat period that my ex has the kids to take a trip to Las Vegas with Ryan. Then I COULD start my new job the week after... a nice built-in one week vacation. I've been checking out costs, and we could get away with it pretty cheap.

Tonight Ryan and I are going to head up the hill to play poker. When I say, "up the hill" I'm referring to heading west, into the mountains of Colorado. There is a town called Blackhawk that is basically a cluster of casinos in the middle of the most beautiful mountainous region in Colorado. It's a beatiful drive and tons of fun. It's about an hour west of Denver.

With any luck, Ryan and I will actually win tonight and be able to go up again tomorrow. Speaking of luck, I seem to have ran into it lately. I won $60 off of a $20 purchase in scratch tickets at the local convenience store last night, and then followed it up by winning a raffle at the bowling alley for another $46. Add that to the cards that I've been catching on partypoker that have allowed me to cash in five tournaments in a row...

So in case you haven't noticed...I'm quite the gambler.

I got the job!!! Or did I?

Currently playing... "Now That I've Found You" by Terri Clark.

First of all I'd like to say thank you to each of you who left the positive comments regarding my picture. Yes, I am 27. Yes I really do have 3 kids. No I'm not looking to lose tons of weight, but realize that this picture does not show all of me...and I'm a mom...therefore my weight is carried in...yup...you guessed it... my hips and tummy and tail-end. Lucky for me when I went to get these pictures done, my photographer friend knew better than to ask for a tail-end shot!!!

In case you haven't noticed yet by what I've been listening to the past few days...I'm a big country music fan.

So the interview went well. Really well. I think I got a job offer. I think. Wait a minute, did I get a job offer?

This time I met with three people. Two that I'd already interviewed with in the past, and one that I had not met before. This time they really gave me hard questions. They apologized for "taking me through the ringer" in advance, but explained that as a small company they couldn't afford to make hiring mistakes. I respect that.

Basically, from how the interview began, I was told that the other two already loved me and that this new guy was now going to ask me questions, and at the end, we'd discuss "concepts". So basically, it came down to- "if you don't F these questions up royally...we'll make you an offer". Which was nice. Took some of the stress off.

So to make a long story short, the questions were very difficult but I nailed them. The third guy seemed to now like me just as much as the first two people I interviewed with. Then we began to discuss concepts, and basically they wanted to hire me on at the same rate of pay I make now, but with the opportunity for endless commissions in addition to it. (It's a sales exec type of position with a telecom company) Now, in my current job, I've got 5 weeks of paid vacation, not to mention the ability to work from home on occasion...some seniority... so I explained that it wasn't my intention to leave my current job for a comparable one. I wanted to leave for a better one. I countered them with a salary request that was about midway between the salary they were currently suggesting (but not offering- remember this was only a concept) and the one I had initially requested. They said they'd talk it over amongst each other but that they thought they'd be able to work something out with me.

Now to add the icing onto the cake... they also asked me if I had "space available to work at home"!!! Apparently, they've decided that this position doesn't need to come into the office to get their work done. So it can be up to 90% remote. Awesome!!! I may just be willing to take it for the same amount of pay after all, with this juicy tidbit of information.

I made it to the gym yesterday. I felt mentally and physically exhausted when I arrived, so I knew that I wouldn't be able to run my normal 6 miles. I got onto the treadmill, started it at 6.5 mph (I usually start at 6.3 and keep it there for the full 6 miles). Every 1/3 of a mile I sped it up by a tenth. So by the time I got to the last 3.66 mile mark I was up to 7.4 mph, which is a pretty darn fast run for me. I finished the four miles in about 37 minutes, then got onto the bike for 15. When I got done my friend and I went outside and walked the track around the park for another 30 minutes or so, and then I headed home.

So today I feel pretty good about myself. Pretty darn good actually. I'll probably head up to the gym again today before bowling tonight. Probably. I haven't been on the scale in a few days. I'm afraid to try it. It can't hurt to wait a few extra days until I feel like I'm having a skinny day.

Counting down, crossing fingers and getting butterflies

Currently listening to - Must Be Doing Something Right (Billy Currington)

I can't believe I actually have butterflies. Maybe they're not butterflies, but instead are evidence that the breakfast burrito for breakfast and five crunchy tacos (minus the shell) for dinner yesterday were indeed a bad idea.

I'm one of those people who normally does not get nervous. When it comes to speaking with people, I'm confident and I always come across like I know what I'm talking about, even when I don't. I've said it before and I'll say it again- the art of bullshitting should be an accredited class at all major college institutions.

The only times I've ever really gotten nervous that I can remember is when I got up to sing at a karaoke bar (which was really just an effort to keep a promise to my dear boyfriend) and the first time I rode a roller coaster, many moons ago.

You see, in my family, I'm known as the strong, smart one. I'm not trying to toot my own horn here, just explain a little about who I am and why I am who I am.

My grandparents were born and raised in extreme southern Colorado. They were raised by poor families and have always been happy just to get by. Quite honestly, I admire that about them. Sometimes I wish I didn't have such a drive to always have more. I'm never just happy like they are. Even now, they rent their house and drive vehicles that were purchased in '65 and '73. My grandmother babysits my kids, just as she babysat everyone else's kids as I was growing up. Grandfather is retired after working for many years in low to mid level management jobs.

My mother was one of three children. With the exception of maybe two years of her life, she's lived with my grandparents, just as she does now. My mom is very quiet and, like my grandparents, is quite satisfied just getting by. I grew up living with all three of them, which is good- and bad.

My family is extremely close. I have my grandparents, mother, three aunts, three uncles and 5 cousins living within 10 minutes of me. The rest of my extended family, including my grandmother's siblings and all of their children still reside in Colorado, with the exception of one set of third or fourth cousins.

My father has never been involved in my life, nor has his family.

So what does this have to do with anything? Well, you see, I'm an only child. I was the first grandchild. I've been spoiled by my mother, my grandmother and my aunts and uncles. Growing up I was smart. Really smart. I skipped 1st grade and continued to get straight A's straight through high school. I'm the first in my family (and I mean going all the way down to fourth cousins here) who has EVER achieved a college degree. So I am the strong one. The smart one. The one everybody calls when they need help drafting a resume, writing a letter, dealing with their insurance companies, you name it!

And as strange as it may seem for me to say this- I believe this is the reason for my insecurity! On the outside I'm exactly what everyone perceives me as, strong, confident, intelligent. On this inside, I'm always feeling as though I'm just faking it and am constantly concerned that people are going to realize that I'm not as great as they think I am. Well- let's just hope my interviewers today aren't the first to recognize it!

So, I'm stressed. I don't have my kids tonight though. So hopefully the interview will go well, and then I'll head to the gym for a couple hours and relax the rest of this evening away.

You know, I just went back and re-read this post. How boring!!?? Oh well, hopefully it'll be more exciting tomorrow!!!

I can't figure out how to spell it- but I hear the Jeopardy tune

How DO you spell that anyway? Nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh... Just doesn't have the impact it should, does it? Well humor me please and at least try to hear it in your head.

Well, I finally heard back from that company that I'm expecting to get the job offer from. They'd like me to go meet with the third owner (there's three and I've met with two so far) tomorrow. With any luck... I just may have a job offer when I leave. Man, that would sure change my attitude- for a while at least!!!

Exaggeration- Why am I so good at it?

There's something I've realized about me over the last couple of years. I have a remarkable ability to turn a minimally unpleasant situation into utter misery. I think there are many women who possess this trait. My question is- just how many of us have actually recognized this as a problem and attempted to do anything about it? If you have, have you succeeded at correcting it?

Right now, there are a number of things that are not moving the way I want them to be. None of them by themselves are huge deals...but when combined together, I get that frustrating feeling like nothing in my life is going right. First of all, I emailed that job prospect first thing yesterday morning and haven't heard back from them. It's irritating because I so terribly want to get out of my current job, and I really thought I'd be having a quick meeting with their last "partner" and be in. You'd think I'd at least get an email telling me they received my reply and will be back with me. Now I'm left to wonder if something went wrong with my email. My email here at work has been known to misbehave. So what do I do, follow up on the email and risk looking like an impatient pest or not follow up on it and risk them thinking I'm ignoring them?

Work isn't going right either...but I've already explained that.

Now...just to add to the stress...Ryan and I don't seem to be stable either. I got on the scale this morning and wasn't very happy with the results. I'm not sure how I'm going to have to change my diet to make that scale move the right way anymore. As of this morning it said 153. I realize that my visitor should be here in 4 or 5 days, which will take me back down to 150...but at best that's a 1 pound loss in a month. I really feel like I've been good enough to deserve more than that.

So what did I do when I got into work this morning? I went down to the cafeteria. And instead of getting my normal low carb breakfast- I got a breakfast burrito! I haven't eaten one of these things, though I love them immensely, in months. Why did I eat it? Because I feel sad and frustrated and am entering what I affectionately refer to as my "F" it mode. Man it was good. But now I'm kicking myself because I pretty much need to skip lunch and behave like an angel for dinner.

The only thing that seems to help me when I'm in a mood like this is a night out with a friend or two at a bar, lots of country music, and beer.

Perhaps the most frustrating part of this is that I realize that I'm probably making a bigger deal out of these things than what is necessary...but it takes a conscientious effort to avoid the attitude...and quite frankly- I've slept very little the last two nights and don't have the energy to do it.

Ryan has bowling tonight, so he won't be joining me at my house. I've got my kids, so I can't go to the gym...but it's probably best that I take them for a walk or something to get in some official exercise.

I only pray that today goes by quickly so I can go home, play some cards and go to sleep. Last night I played only one $10 tournament. I took second place, so I won $30. Overall over the last three nights I've played four tournaments. Each one costs $10 plus a $1 fee. So I've invested $44 and won $160. Not bad for four hours of work/play.

But first... I must make it through 7 1/2 hours of work.

If stress hormones triggered weight loss...

I was blissfully daydreaming just a moment ago about how thin I'd be if only stress hormones triggered weight loss. Wow. Wouldn't that be cool?

So things at work are pretty ugly. Without giving details I'll just say that people who used to like me don't anymore, and it's based on a lie/over-exaggeration by one or two or three of my peers that they're making their judgment. To make it worse, I have to sit right next to these people in the cube farm. I am so incredibly anxious to get out of here.

Speaking of getting out of here... I got another call from that job prospect. They'd like to meet with me again. This is a good thing, indeed, especially seeing as though it indicates that my salary requirement wasn't clear off in left field. I'm just so anxious to be able to put in my notice here...and this will basically be the fourth interview in about two months that I've had with this place. On this positive side- if they were anywhere near this grueling in their interview process with the other 100 or so people that work there- it should be a pretty good group of people. So I emailed them my availability for this week when I came into work at 7:30 a.m., but haven't heard from them again yet.

So my weight as of this morning was 151.6 I'm actually quite satisfied with this, seeing as though I should be roughly 6 days away from my monthly visitor, and I cheated on my diet (at about half a cinnamon roll) yesterday. I know that I could be doing better if I'd kick up the exercise some, but oh well.

Friday Ryan and I went to a really nice fondue restaurant called The Melting Pot to celebrate his raise. Other than having issues with my eyes swelling due to allergies, I had a really nice time.

Ideally, I'd like to be able to train myself to run at least a 5 k race, but the thought really intimidates me. I know that I can easily run 4 or 5, and depending on the day- sometimes 6 miles indoors on a treadmill. But for some reason- it just seems like I can't run further than a mile or two when I'm outside. Maybe it's just psychological?

Saturday was a pretty quiet day. I didn't have my kids the first half of the day, and Ryan had to work, so I spent the morning cleaning his house. Vacuuming, running up and down the stairs with laundry, sweeping, mopping, dusting, you name it. So although I didn't technically get in any official exercise, 3 straight hours of housecleaning- without a break mind you- has got to be worth something.

Yesterday Ryan and I and the kids spent about an hour pulling weeds in his front yard, then we went out to eat at this all you can eat pizza establishment. It's really quite a deal- $4.29 all you can eat salad, pizza and dessert... This is when I had the cinnamon roll. I know what you're thinking... "You're trying to lose weight and you're eating at an all you can eat pizza place!?" and you're right...however- Since it's all you can eat, I feel a lot less guilty about grabbing six pieces of pizza and eating just the topping off of it and leaving the crust. I also ate a lot of salad. Strange I know, but it's still low carb!

After the pizza place, we took the kids to see Madagascar. Very cute. Then I went home and Ryan took off to play golf....and drink beer...etc. I ended up spending the evening cleaning my house and playing poker online. I did pretty good. I played three tournaments, won 2 of them and came in second in the third- a total profit of $100 for a $30 investment. Not a bad way to kill time.

Speaking of killing time- I've killed too much. Must- get- work- done.

Day Four- They're coming to take me away...ha ha ho ho hee hee

Man, what a day today has been! I swear I've gone from halfway enjoying my job and the people that I work with to absolutely despising both over the course of about a month or two. I tell you this place reminds me so much of junior high school. The similiarities are uncanny.

Without going into details, let's just say that my boss has been moved (against her will) due to a "skip level" meeting all of us below her had with her boss's boss. Though I did my best in the meeting to be honest about things without "bashing" my boss...I have inadvertently been lumped in with the group of boss bashers that were in there. As a result- she's upset with me.

Unfortunately, the only reason I have any of this information is because a good friend of mine, and peer of my boss's shared it with me. Which means that I cannot address it or I may cause my friend to be in trouble. Drama.

Now- it may not really matter- since she's been moved and is no longer my boss...but I'm one of those people that just hates for people to be mad at me. I hate for people I like to be mad at me- and I especially hate for people I like to be mad at me due to the work of lying witches who masquerade as innocent angels and talk crap about other people just to make themselves look good. Oh how I wish I could find a way to address this without making it obvious that I was clued in by my friend. Oh well.

I still haven't heard from that other company I applied with. I've just got to believe though that after three interviews, and now them telling me they think I'll be a good fit and asking for salary requirements, that a job offer is soon to follow.

Well on to the weight loss news. I went to the gym last night after work and kicked my tail big time. I did about 40 minutes on the Arc Trainer...for those of you who are not familiar with this machine - fix that! This machine is kind of a cross between an elliptical and a stair stepper...and all I can say is that this is one butt busting machine. After the Arc Trainer my friend Shannon and I decided to go ahead and attempt the spin class. That class kicked my butt. Wow. I'm still surprised I was able to make it through the whole 45 minute class. But there's such a feeling of accomplishment that comes with achieving something you thought was not possible.

So the scale at the gym last night said 152... but it was at night... and I ate only a small dinner (two cheeseburgers from wendy's minus the bun) afterwards, so I'm sure my weight was down significantly this morning. Not only do I normally lose 2+ pounds overnight, but I certainly feel thinner today.

Thus far today I've eaten an omelette with swiss cheese, sausage and peppers and two peices of bacon. I've also had about 3 glasses of iced tea. I'm trying to save my carbohydrate allowance because my dear boyfriend and I are going up to the Melting Pot- a wonderful fondue restaurant for dinner tonight to celebrate his salary increase at work. Their desserts are wonderful and I cannot imagine turning them down without my life being threatened.

Speaking of my dear boyfriend....him and I seem to be turning a corner in our relationship. We're making plans for him to move in with me soon. This is a very big step for both of us, but especially for him. I am so very happy.

We had a wonderful evening last night...I actually managed to bowl respectably. I shot a 183, 206 and 177. After bowling we headed up to a local karaoke bar and Ryan sang a couple songs to me. We had a few beers and then headed home. It may not sound like an exciting night to a lot of people, but to me, it was perfect.

Well I guess that's about it for today. I had every intention of getting in to the gym today, but I'm thinking I may just postpone that until tomorrow. The weather is very gray and rainy- and honestly- I'm really looking forward to getting ready for tonight.

Something tells me this is going to be a very good weekend.

Day Three- Does online poker count as exercise?

Does online poker count as exercise? It doesn't? Crap. If it did, I'd be quite proud of myself today because I spent the better part of three hours last night playing Omaha hi/lo tournaments on PartyPoker.com. I did okay, broke about even after three tournaments, but I really should have been doing something useful- like pilates or laundry.

The one good thing about yesterday is that I did manage to stick to my diet very well, having my normal eggs/bacon/sausage for breakfast, a bag of peanuts around lunch time, and the toppings off of four slices of pizza for dinner. Yes, I realize this sounds like a really strange diet, but it works for me. I also ate dinner relatively early and kept away from drinking cans of diet pop, or anything else for that matter, after 7.

The result? The scale read 151.2 this morning. It's not really much of an improvement, but seeing as though I'm just past the halfway mark of my monthly cycle, it's good.

I can't help but to wonder how many women out there are really this obsessive about their weight. I think something's mentally wrong with me. I would weigh myself every single day if I could, but I'm at my dear boyfriend's house three days a week and I have grown tired of lugging my scale around with me between the two houses. I can't simply purchase a scale for his house- because then I'd be toying with the consistency of using one scale. I used to weigh myself every single day though.

I keep my weight and side notes, such as when my monthly "friend" arrives and when I have too many Jack & Diets in an excel spreadsheet that I've kept updated for nearly three years. Obsessive? Yes. Of course. But the positive side is that I am now keenly aware of when my body just naturally gains weight, and when it loses it. For example- I know for a fact that- binging and drinking alcohol aside- my lowest point of every month is 9 days after my monthly friend arrives. Therefore, I measure my progress by comparing where I'm at this month to where I was at last month, rather than just last week.

So my dear boyfriend got really good news on the job front yesterday- landed himself a pretty substantial raise...which makes me all that much more anxious to hear from the company I've applied with. Since they're having this meeting about it today, I expect that I'll likely not hear from them until tomorrow or Monday though.

My plan for today consists of leaving work a little early, going and getting a pedicure- a necessary evil...and heading up to the gym. My friend Shannon and I are going to try out the Spin class they have there. I've done Spin classes before, so I know what I'm in for, but Shannon has not. I know that I can fully expect for my behind to be kicked. But that's what it really needs anyway.

After the gym, I'll be heading over to the bowling alley. I'm on a league with my uncle, my grandfather and Ryan...maybe this will be the week where I finally pull my head out of my... and bowl worth a ... Maybe.